two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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