I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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