If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
