Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
