well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
True college students do jello shots in the library
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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