i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
