i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
