i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I love you. Go after that dick
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
