i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
