Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
