so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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