My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
