I am in a vortex of obligation.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
