She's JV to your varsity
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
