just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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