yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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