Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
