So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
