what if every blade of grass was a penis?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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