He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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