Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
