So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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