3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
40s are totally the cure
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
