my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
