Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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