On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Randomize
