Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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