Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
