i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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