I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
