so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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