I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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