so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
