Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
