What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
