The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
