I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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