At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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