If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
