Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
