Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
