She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
