OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
