I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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