worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
