I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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