i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
