we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
