Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
third nipple confirmed
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
