she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
