The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
