Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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