An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
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No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
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It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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