do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
