does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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