He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
