Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
