I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
