I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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