Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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