My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Of course I have a pirate flag
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
