walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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