i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
