The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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