We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
