im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have so many feelings about this burrito
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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