two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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