it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
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Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
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You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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