ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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