So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
