sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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