You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
