I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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