Kiss
Puke
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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