you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
is wine microwaveable?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
