I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
