it hurts more in the daytime
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
