My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
