i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
